The S.I.R.U. Papers

1st Adventure

My name is Thomas Corbin; I was a leading zoologist with the State of Texas University.  I am considered one of the best in the field by my peers and colleagues… or at least I was.  Now I’m somebody nobody wants to know.  I was blacklisted from teaching by my contemporaries, and I’m not entirely certain why.  All I know is that I received a package from Glenn Bush, an old colleague of mine (a mentor really), filled with memos and reports about animals I thought were myths.  At first I thought it was a joke, but there was simply too much to be a prank.  The box was overflowing with photos and DNA results, and every single scrap of paper was marked with four letters: SIRU.  The “Society for the Investigation and Research of the Unexplained” had funded all of this material, which seems to stretch back to the start of the twentieth century.

I spent the rest of the day trying to contact my friend, to no avail.  I was about to leave for dinner when my dean stopped by my office… flanked by security guards.  To say I was confused is a bit of an understatement.  He looked like a whipped dog when he started stammering, “Tom…I…you’re fired.”

 “Wait!  What?!  Is this a joke?!”  My screaming indicated I didn’t take it very well.

“No, Tom, I’m not…you need to leave now.”

“W-Why?!”  He nodded to the guards who took a step back as he closed the door.

“Tom,” He said in a mellow brown tone not looking me in the eye, “take this box and run.  Don’t grab anything else in this room, just this box and run like hell.  The same people who made one call and had Jameson’s funding for his Intelligent Design research cut, and had Wilkinson’s funding magically disappear when he wanted to go investigate that temple off the coast of Japan called me today.  They made it perfectly clear that you were to be fired and I was to confiscate this box or our department would lose all funding and accreditation.  I don’t know who they are or what is in this box, but you need to run right now; take these files with you and disappear.  Whatever is in these reports is worth more than I can imagine, and it needs to stay safe.”  He pulled a hand full of twenties and a .44 caliber snub-nose from his pocket and placed them on the files.  “I don’t know that they won’t try to kill you; what I know is that you’ve been black-listed from teaching.  Their story is that you’ve been teaching creationism and…they made me sign an email stating as much…I’m sorry I can’t do more, but if you don’t walk out of here with this box, I will.  If that happens, your career is over and whatever is in this box goes away forever.  But if you run maybe you can figure out why they want it so bad and get your life back.”

I wanted to hit him, this man who’d been my friend for seven years…I wanted to hate him…to scream and curse…. but I just grabbed up the box and stormed out, the guards doing their best to keep up with me.  They stopped caring as I threw the box in my car and pulled out of my parking space.  I was frustrated and confused and enraged.  I could barley form a coherent thought, but as I pulled by the LBJ Presidential Library my phone went off.  It was a text message from Kim Bush, Glenn’s sister: “Glenn died in car accident, call when you get this.”  I sat there, blocking traffic, realizing that Glenn was murdered for this box… and if I want my career back, if I want to save my life, I’ll need to find out who made these reports and follow the SIRU Papers.

First Post: What we are about

Firstly, let me welcome you to SIRUpapers.com. I’m Jason McLean, the creator, writer, and artist.  I want to say that the postings you will be reading are works of fiction.  There is no Thomas Corbin or SIRU. I do not believe that there is a grand conspiracy controlling the flow of information about hidden animals or unexplained phenomena.  I am an editorial cartoonist and commentator by trade and this site is my active commentary on the current state of the scientific community.  Over the coming weeks, months and (hopefully) years, you will read fictional commentaries of real theories, real events, and real phenomena.  This site is the result of years of research and investigation into the unknown. I do not ask that you agree with me on my conclusions or the theories presented, only that you take the questions asked here and ask them for yourself.  There is a whole world out there waiting to be discovered, but the scientific elite are not looking─ that means it is up to us.    

Even if you disagree with me, I hope you enjoy the site. A great deal of work has gone into making it unique and entertaining.  We will publish a new adventure every Tuesday and, from time to time, a new episode of Chupie Rulz!  Like I said, I’m an editorial cartoonist, and I can’t resist having a little fun.  Until next time, keep following…The SIRU Papers.

Excerpt from the personal journal of Thomas Corbin:

As someone who has been recently thrust into the field of cryptozoology, I have had to take some time to wrap my head around certain concepts that seem very foreign to me.  While going through my studies at college and my time in the field, I thought I knew how the world worked and that academia was a place of unbridled science…only to find out I was wrong.  I have decided to sit down and write out my thoughts and what I have discovered while reading the SIRU papers. 

Firstly, what is a cryptid?  Cryptozoology is the study of “hidden animals” or animals whose existence are not accepted or recognized by science but are known to native populations.  While many zoologists spend their time looking for new species, the creatures that cryptozoology focuses on are animals whose existence would seemingly call into question our assumptions and beliefs about the world around us.  This seems an odd concept, because new species are discovered all the time─ but always within a certain set of parameters.  Most new species are small, allowing for the belief that the reason we haven’t found them yet is due to their size.  Also, most new species are really sub-species of animals known to exist.  Discovering a new type of miniature deer or newt does not call into question the current scientific models.     

But how do large animals like a sasquatch or Loch Ness monster stay cryptids?  Wouldn’t their sizes make them easier to find than the miniature deer?  This is the part that really shook me up and that I still do not fully understand.  Firstly, the population size of the average cryptid is small─ critically endangered in some cases.  As a zoologist I have had to spend weeks in the field to locate even one endangered animal, and that is with knowing their territory, food supply, and times of activity.  Even an animal the size of a rhinoceros can remain hidden from human sight, in the right terrain, for over a century (like the Sumatran Rhinoceros).  Secondly, as scientists, we are not looking for these creatures!  There was a time when we were genuinely open to the existence of these creatures, and then around the turn of the century (1900) we stopped.  The worst part of this is that cryptids are seen all the time; they are not as “hidden” as one would expect.   I don’t know why, but I suspect SIRU might have something to do with the turn away from searching for “relic” populations, and if that is the case, then I’m going to have to keep following their papers for my answers.

Memo from SIRU Director Krohn to all field agents:

While the lack of fossil evidence is often the best method we have of quieting proponents of the existence of cryptids, it is important as an agent of SIRU that you know better.  Firstly, fossils are rare.  Fossilization is a unique event that requires the animal to be buried in a mud slide (or similar event) either prior to death or soon afterward.  Most animals will never be fossilized meaning that the odds are great of entire species leaving little to no record of their existence.  Beyond that, fossils are discovered by accident─ meaning that even if there is evidence of an animal’s existence, we should assume that many fossils go undiscovered.

  Secondly, most fossils appear to have been formed during an Extinction Level Event.  Since E.L.E.s re-shape our earth, it must be assumed that any surviving populations would have migrated away from the site of fossilization, as the environment would be temporarily uninhabitable.  It is also safe to assume that small populations would survive in areas where a herd (or even a breeding pair) had gone off-course and become separated during a migration.  In truth, we should expect any relic populations of species popularly thought to have died out during an E.L.E. to be found in an area devoid of their fossils.  Fossils are very useful both in identifying possible candidates for a cryptid’s identity and re-directing the public; however, as a SIRU investigator you must avoid the desire to rely on the fossil record too heavily.

Memo from SIRU Director Krohn to all field operatives:

Cadborosaurus

Most cryptids remain undiscovered due to a critically small population size, being active at times that humans are not, inhabiting remote areas, and being wary of a human presence.  Because of this most sightings are accidental and brief, causing many of the observations to be tainted by fear and misinterpretation.  Despite these issues, eye-witness testimony remains the best evidence we have of many cryptids and should not be rejected as many have suggested, but rather as an investigator you will need to learn how to listen and properly interpret what the witness is telling you.

Firstly, when reconstructing the event, do not be swayed by adjectives.  The witness will use loaded words that are appropriate from the witness’ point of view, indicating his or her interpretation of the event.  For example, a person who feels fearful during their experience may interpret a cryptid’s vocalizations as menacing or posture as aggressive, when in fact the animal is simply alarmed by the unexpected arrival of a human.  This obvious discrepancy between reality and perception, if not properly recognized by the agent, may taint future expeditions.   The duty of the SIRU investigator is to try to reconstruct the event and place it within the context of the behavior of other known animals. 

Secondly, while reconstructing the event you would do well to note the nature of the encounter, the duration, and the disposition of the witness.  For example, a city dweller who stumbles across a North American bipedal ape rummaging through his/her garbage late one night is more likely to have a brief, seemingly aggressive encounter.  A hunter, however, usually encounters a cryptid in their natural habitat and often goes unnoticed by the animal.  Due to the longer duration of the encounters and the less hostile setting, the witness will tend to be more accurate in his/her observations. 

Many witnesses will try to relate their observations to you through drawings, and the primary mistake that most investigators make is in assuming the witness has the skill and training to accurately represent what they have seen.  Art is one of mankind’s oldest forms of communication.  It is a language that is full of hyperbole, interpretation, and anthropromorphization.  Above is a drawing collected by our investigators with the corresponding image that we have generated.  If you look at the drawing of the Cadborosaurus, the humps are overly undulated, while the face and “mane” are exaggerated.  This does not invalidate the image; in fact these exaggerations are clues for your investigation.  The witness is trying to describe motion with a flat image; over exaggerating the undulation is the most common way the serpentine motion is represented.  Also, the viewer is trying to convey the concept of the “mane” by drawing a stereotypical horse’s mane.  This is akin to quoting a line from a movie or Shakespeare, the quote has larger meaning due to its original context.  In the same way, the witness is attempting to convey a larger concept on the look and movement of the “mane” by visually “quoting” a horse.

In conclusion, eye-witness testimony is crucial to understanding these animals, classifying these animals, and finding these animals.  However, eye-witness testimony must be properly interpreted to be useful.  My suggestion is to spend your free time looking at Egyptian hieroglyphics, primitive art from various cultures, and comics produced by Jack Kirby in the late sixties and early seventies to better understand how humans “read” images on a primal level.

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