Proto Pygmy
I’ve spent the last hour on the floor, in a corner of my hotel room, I’m using the one I chair I have to secure the door….if I’m going to save my life and get my career back I need a plan….I’ll need some kind of physical evidence to support the existence of a cryptozoological creature, and while a Sasquatch or Swamp Ape would clearly be enough to do that I’m not certain that hunting a creature that is 7ft, 600lbs of pure muscle is really that good of an idea. Hmmmm….this might be interesting. UNIDENTIFIED BIPEDAL PRIMATE 3 AKA: LEPRECHAUN / PROTO PYGMY / AGOGWII / ORANG PENDEK / TEH-LMA / BATUTUT / NITTAEWO / BONDEGEZOU. Wait, “Leprechaun”? What could possibly account for people seeing little green men with pots of gold?
SIRU claims that field agent Yannig Gioumard of Ireland has uncovered un-fossilized remains of homo floresiensis in Ireland? The report also goes on to say that instead of dying out 13,000 years ago there was a relic population of homo floresiensis that survived until the 1700s being eventually wiped out either by hunting, loss of habitat, or the “ELE 5”. I’m assuming this is reference to the little ice age, but why would the Maunder Minimum be considered an “Extinction Level Event”? Anyhow, the researcher goes on to state that as the UBA 3 population in Ireland died out and no new sightings of the creature were made the stories became more and more fantastic. The Leprechaun grew from being a small red, hairy person to being a fairy wearing a red fur coat, and eventually the color red was dropped all together to be replaced by green (the color of other wood sprites). He suggests this evolution should be studied further by their historians to be used as a template for insights into other possible cryptids that went extinct in ELE 5.
The researcher describes UBA 3 as a skilled hunter, using simple tools to hunt for birds and even sheep. Their lairs have been found in small caves and burrows under large trees. Researcher Gioumard states that while the Leprechaun population has gone extinct other proto pygmy groups still exist and deserve further investigation…leprechauns…I’d have bet good money they weren’t real.
I need sleep, sleep and a plan. As much as I hate the thought I could probably hide out with my crazy uncle Max….he lives in Duncanville just outside of Dallas, it’s a straight shot from where I am now and everyone knows we haven’t gotten along since…well, we don’t really mix.
